She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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