Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my shit smells like andre
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
