You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
