id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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