I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
