Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.

(1-909): View more from California

3?

(909): View more from California

Me, myself and I

Fav 3 1770 805
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(847): View more from Illinois

well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."

Fav 12 6347 1268
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(812): View more from Indiana

You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

Fav 10 6285 1717
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(904): View more from Florida

HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

Fav 9 2835 1269
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(561): View more from Florida

A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.

Fav 5 2632 894
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(248): View more from Michigan

We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens

Fav 18 2423 1087
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me

Fav 2 20 213
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(585): View more from New York

Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$

Fav 0 55 4
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