I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
