Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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