something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
