i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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