I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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