i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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