Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
