I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
