i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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