Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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