VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
