She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
