just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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