Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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