there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
