we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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