Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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