How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
