Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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