So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
