your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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