Nicole vs. Life
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
