I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
