dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
