is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
