so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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