i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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