The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
