she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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