Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
