She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
