at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
