Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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