I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
PANTIES FOUND
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
