forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
