dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
