well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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