Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
