i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize