I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
