So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
