On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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