Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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