Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
