I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
