You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
