RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
