cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
