Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
