you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize