Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
