I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
