You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
