Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
