Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
